How most companies do post-signature

“All you need to do once you’ve signed a contract is get hold of the PDF, correctly file it away in our shared drive that our IT team arbitrarily restricted your access to, following the conventions described in a document nobody told you about.

Then contact Frida from legal (Frida left 8 months ago) and Tim from procurement (Tim is on sabbatical) so that they can send you the poorly laid out spreadsheets they inherited that nobody trusts anyway.

Type in all the relevant fields even though you have no idea which of the three different start dates ‘Contract Date’ refers to. Send the spreadsheets back, hoping that Frida and Tim will merge them with the version of the spreadsheet that is currently with Dave for the contract he just signed (spoiler: they won’t).

You will encounter compatibility issues. When this happens, create a support ticket. Not only will our IT team not be happy to help you, they will intimate that you are an idiot.

Finally, sprinkle some hope dust on your laptop for the 17 other people who will sign a contract next month but almost certainly won’t follow this process.

Congratulations! You’re one of 0 people who’ve ever made it this far. Now you can get back to your real job that you already don’t have enough time to do.”